There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
