I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
