i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I stole a fireplace last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
