I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
