I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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