Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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