The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
