if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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