I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
