I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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