he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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