DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
as a side note pls kill me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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