just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
