I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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