i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
