WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
