remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
