What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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