I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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