don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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