Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
