Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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