I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Someone signed my nipple.
He has the fingertips of a God
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
