Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
