there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
