you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
