I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
