all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
