Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
