I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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