I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
