I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize