I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
