you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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