He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
