is wine microwaveable?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
