I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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