What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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