If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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