Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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