So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
