He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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