I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
