It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
