dude i'm inner monologue high
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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