So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize