eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
