then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I did not marry a roomba.
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