you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
