there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
