sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
