Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
