omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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