Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
