it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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