I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
