Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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