i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
