your parents love me but you hate me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
