Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
