They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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