My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
