what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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