Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
