I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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